Suicide Tour 8/22/03

Aaaahhhh! One of the most complete set of cities. We went everywhere. I remember most of it like it was yesterday..

Then tragedy hit!

2003. The Madesicc crew. All of us in 2 tour buses. Those tour buses were so cool. We would be living on them dang things for a month or 2 at a time. Mostly guys. This particular time, it was Malaiki (RIP), MaeGee and I. Us three girls and like 14 guys. So fun though.

From city to city- State to State.. We were traveling. right around this same time is when we left for this particular tour, in 2003. We were on the road, drinking was our daily past time. I was not a huge drinker at the time but I sure did smoke a lot of weed. Malaiki was on the phone with someone who was obviously giving her some startling news. She hung the phone up and said Michelle is dead. Now we had two Michelle’s that were in the family. Both sisters. One was married to one of our brothers and the other was my best friend as well as Brotha Lynch Hung’s sister. I was under the impression that it was the sister – in – law and I went to say OMG. I am so sorry. At that time, I did not know her too well. We just did not hang out much, but Malaiki said, “No Michelle is dead” I kinda did a double take and said, ” My Michelle”? She said yes. OK.. It took me a few more double takes and a whole lot of processing to get it. MY Michelle? WHHAAAATTTT?

This is the day that I lost my best friend. A day that would change my life forever.

Michelle had this boyfriend. Nobody really approved of this guy. None of us really cared for him but she did so we had to accept him. She moved him into the house that she was living in. (Our house that she was renting from us) They used to fight and argue so we used to make her tell him to leave.

I remember one day she came and told me that he just walked up and cut her hair off. (WHO the …… EFF does that) I was like, something is wrong with him. I just plain did not like this dude.

So getting this news while on tour, I had still several cities to go to and several shows to do still. I had to keep it together. HA! Better said than done.

She told us that her boyfriend, beat her up, stabbed her and shot her in the house with her kids. All of her kids. I was devastated but this is the thing. You know how you try to fight something hurtful. Push it to the back of your head and such… OK. After my initial shock and period of being completely shocked, crying my eyes out and being stuck and shocked again, I fought.. I had to be strong. I clearly said, its ok. Its fine. I dont really care. Its no big deal, etc.. etc.. I held that tone for as long as I could until finally,

Last performance of the trip, we were not sure if we were going to make it back for her funeral or not and part of me just did not want to face it and did not want to go to her funeral. I got on stage after too many drinks and lots of internal pain and loss that had yet to be dealt with, I got on stage. I began my performance. Probably got halfway through the 1st song and could not even think of anything else. Not my lyrics, not my fans, not this show. I just started to cry and walked off stage saying that my best friend was just murdered and I cant do this right now. That was all I remember until I got home.

When we got home, as usual, we unpack the buses and bring everything into the house. We all sit there and talk, smoke a blunt or whatever and people start to leave to go home to their families, one by one. I left to go get my kids from their aunts house. Good thing one of my good friends went with me. I started crying really hard on the way as everything start to hit me and i realized this was real and my best friend was really gone. I was passing familiar things as I recalled all of the things we did and the realizing that we would not be together anymore. Doing anything.

I was just about to the exit that I needed to get off on, in order to get my kids from their Aunt’s house. I started feeling really lightheaded, my eyes were blurry, I could not breathe all of a sudden. I had no room to breathe at all so I am panicking and my face went numb, my hands went numb, I was in the middle of what they call a full blown anxiety attack. Hyperventilating and all of that. I could not pass out which in my condition, the Dr. said that most people would have passed out before it got that far but I couldn’t. I was driving and I knew I had to keep going.

I pulled over to the side and told my friend to call 911. I told him that I was having a heart attack. He called 911 and they came to get me. I will never forget, Lynch (my boyfriend at the time) was mad because i was going to leave the car on the side of the road as I got into the ambulance to go to the hospital. I left. I do not remember much about the ride there but I remember that when I got there, they told me that I was having an anxiety attack and that they could not do anything. I just needed to relax. I said I cant. I cant breathe. I sat there for about 3 hrs until I was able to gain my strength back and my control and then I somehow got my kids and was back home.

The hospital gave me Xanex or something for depressant or whatever it was and I hated that medicine so I didn’t take it. I drank instead to deal with it. It was a day or two later, we had her funeral. I do not remember much about that either. I just remember her headstone and sitting around talking. I was very sad. I was very drunk and off one of those pills the Dr. gave me. I got pulled over on the way home and they asked me if I was drinking and I said no. I took a pill. Clearly, I was drunk and he knew about the situation and that I just came from the funeral so he let me go.

I was so mad at myself because I was not on the best terms with her when she died. I was angry with her because she had been doing some drugs and I kept telling her that she was way to beautiful to to that to herself. She was messing herself up. I was so mad at myself because I looked back and I should have been more supportive. I should have not got mad. I should have been a best friend and stood by her side. Instead I wasn’t talking to her. But I loved her and she was my best friend. But I wanted her to stop. I still loved her.

 

I really miss her and for years, I would dream of her. She would be trying to tell me something in my dreams. One time, she clearly told me that she was worried about me. I could not for the life of me, figure out why she would be worried about me but after I stopped drinking every weekend, It hit me. I was ruining my life drinking. I quit that. By the grace of God, I quit. I prayed and asked him to take that and ciggarettes away from me and He did.. INSTANTLY. It was crazy. I will never forget. In the same month, He delivered me permanently of the drinking habit and smoking habit. I picked it up again years later but with control over it and dropped it again.

Really I am just sharing this because I lost my best friend in the whole world on 8/22/03. 5 days from now, 13 years ago and I still feel like it was yesterday. I hated myself for letting her go and not being able to say good bye. I loved her so much. We did everything together. People are not promised tomorrow and You have no idea when you might get that call.I love you and miss you Michelle Mann. (RIP)

Who Am I Now? What happened to Zigg Zagg making music?

A lot of you wonder what I am doing and I hear so often, “Zagg are you still making music?”

I am still doing music. I love making music. I have to say this…

I made a couple of albums when I was with Madesicc Muzicc/Siccmade Muzicc. I ended up releasing the first album, “Hell In Auguzt” with him and the second was released shortly after I left. I did not see a penny off of either of those 2 albums. It was not until I left the label and Lynch altogether that I started putting together my own shows and pushing my own products, that I started making some change from my hard work.

shortly after I left Lynch, I signed to a record label named Hot Ones Recordz and I literally made the hottest album that you would have ever heard in your life called, “Against All Oddz” . The record company owner got locked up for a couple of years and I never heard the album since. I have spoken to him since he got out and he has made me jump through hoops to even so much as get a glimpse on dropping this Golden album. I get the feeling he is never going to drop it But I am telling you if you ever hear it, you will say the smae thing. No female has EVER made a better album. It literally breaks my heart every single time I think about this album because I put everything I had into it. I feel like it was all for nothing because I can not even hear it. I have heard that album total about 3 times and that was when I was supervised by them.

 

I would do anything to get this album but it is out of my hands. I made a track with Snoop Dogg. Snoop asked me for a verse. I never even heard that and he said he doesn’t remember what he did with it. I am in no way complaining because I appreciate the opportunity but I did that and never even heard it so that was all for nothing.

In attempts to try to make you all understand why I have not done any more albums, Well… After so many times of being rejected, you sort of naturally give up or step back to evaluate. I have done just that. I want more thank anything to do my music but after those experiences and then moving to the East Coast and eliminating all of my resources and the things and people who motivated me, I just haven’t had it in me. Every now and then, I get that spark again. I am trying to  get my motivation back and I know that I will but I believe it will just be on a different level. 

 

 

How did I learn how to write my own music?

I was a poet at a young age. I used to write poems and bring my parents in to listen to me and they used to tell me that I was good. (Encouragement goes a long way with people)

When I moved out and got with former boyfriend/husband Brotha Lynch Hung, I started this music thing by reciting his lyrics to random beats. He used to ask me to re-write his lyrics legibly in a notebook. (That was probably the best thing he could have asked me to do) Then it all started..

I used the format of his writing and created song after song.

“Coming off that high, its that double zagg wrapped around some phonk, in the trunk I got that mossburgh pump and bout to jack a punk”

And when that siccness hit Im like a new stage, watch my back, hit the dank, load the gat, make the grave

etc..

so the initial line and the rhyming line. Then skip.. And so on.

Then I began pulling out my feelings. Feelings that I embraced through my short life so far. I embraced them and spilled my guts- on wax. One rhyming line after another. These are the beginning stages of how to lyrically put together a song.

Reading each beat for what it is saying. Each producer is an artist too. The producer composes the music portion of the song. That producer is compiling the instrumental from the feelings and emotions that they are having as well and if you are good, just as a surfer can read a good wave, an artist can read the beat and write to fit and match what the composer was feeling at the time they made the beat.

If those two are on the same page, you have a potential for a powerful song.

It is all in the power of thought and feeling. 

 

3 Days with Snoop Dogg

Lynch had finally hooked up with Snoop Dogg. Let me tell you, when I was with him, I used to jump through hoops trying to get Lynch hooked up with Snoop. I mean hey, They are both two busy guys right?

 

Finally, the day came for them to meet up and only a select few were invited.

Road trip to LA!

We took a road trip to spend 3 days with Snoop Dogg. I was at the end of my relationship with Brotha Lynch Hung at the time but I still went with him. I took a lot of advice from a mentor of mine Frank Nitty. Frank Nitty, in case you do not know is the network king. He is connected with everyone who is anyone.

Frank gave me small pieces of advice just on image and preparation for this whole trip and event. He told me small things like just sit back in  the back ground and braid your hair while you are in the lab and he also told me to write several different verses to several beats that I might hear in the studio with them so that if I get an opportunity to get on a song, I will be prepared.

I finally got a small opportunity to physically meet Snoop without interrupting anything.

I handed Snoop one of my “Through The Eyes Of She” CD’s and told him that if he ever needs a hard female to spit on one of his songs, I got him. lol.

Snoop said, “Yeah, I know who you are, I have heard your stuff. I am a fan. I want to get you on one of my songs before you leave here.”

I really did not believe that he would. I went on with my visit.

Snoop was a very down to earth guy. He was nothing different than us. lol. He rolled one up, passed it. over and over. There was always a blunt being passed. If it took too long to get back to him, he simply rolled up another one, hit it and passed it. Couple of hours later he would disappear and get on the video game with 40 Glocc, Karupt or Daz. I forget who. Lynch was playing too. Then he would disappear again and take a nap.

This was what we did for 3 days. I was just writing and mentally preparing myself to spit the tytest verse I had ever spit.

Day 3 came and we had to go, We started to head out the door (Literally) and here comes Snoop from his nap. “Aww, ya’ll out?” We said, “Yea, we gotta head back.” Snoop said, ” I wanted to get Zagg on this song real quick before ya’ll left.” We went back in real quick. He threw on a beat and I had several verses prepared for any beat he may have selected. I dropped my verse in less than 15 minutes and allowed him to place it and mix it. I did not even ask for a copy of it, I didn’t ask what he was using it for. He did say that he might put the verse on something with the pussy cat dolls or something like that. We said our good bye’s and we headed back home.

My whole experience was peaceful. If you ask me, I had just barely touched the top. I wasn’t at the top but I touched it and I was content with that. Snoop is still one of the biggest artists out and who wouldn’t want to get on something with him. He was a fan. (still can’t believe that) What an experience. I had tried so hard to get Lynch connected with him and in the end, in my head, I got the connection. I took Daz, Snoop’s, 40Glocc’s and Karupt’s number before I left.

What a humbling experience. I am thankful. I still to this day have not heard the song that he used my verse on but someone else told me they heard it.  

Where did it all begin (Zigg Zagg)

I was working at Burger King. My first job ever. I was cleaning up one day when one of the customers started making fun of another customer. I laughed. The guy happened to be Kevin Mann who would soon turn into Brotha Lynch Hung. Kevin gave me his phone number that day and I ended up calling the number months later. That was the beginning of Zigg Zagg and Lynch.

We ended up moving in together soon after that and were inseparable. We were known as the real life Bonnie and Clyde of the rap game. When people saw him, they saw me and vise versa.

One day , Lynch asked me why I know the lyrics to everyone’s songs but his and to me, that sounded like a challenge so I learned the lyrics to all of his songs. I would spit his unheard lyrics to random instrumentals and I was good. I became so good that he would make me spit these lyrics in front of his friends and he would act like I wrote them.

People had a huge respect for me. I was that hard ass white girl rapper. It didn’t mean anything to me but I loved the way I felt. I loved the way I was respected and I loved the gratification that I gained from being so good. This made me confident. My confidence took it all to the next level.

I started writing my own lyrics rights away. I would spend so much time writing, i instantly made my first album, “Hell In Auguzt” withing a year or so after I started. I would write and he would critique my lyrics and if they were not good, he would make me do it over.

I am the artist that I am today because Lynch took the time out to invest in me as an artist. He was just starting his career but in the process he had know idea that he was molding what would come to be known one of the tytest females in all of rap history, ZIGG ZAGG.

How does a female artist gain credibility?

 

In my personal opinion, I think it made a world of difference for me because I grew with another artist as he evolved into a large name. As the progress happened, I grew up physically into a woman as well. Many of the attributes that I grew accustomed to, were molded by my boyfriend at the time who was very well respected and because everyone respected him, they respected me as well. I was “The coolest chick” Everyone loved me. Even friends of his who really secretly had some feelings for me, respected him enough to keep it contained.

Let me tell you though, after I left him, They all came out of the wood works like cockroaches. I was so used to being respected that I would accept nothing less, even now I expect respect. I respect myself so I only deal with people who can provide the same.

Who Is Zigg Zagg

Zigg Zagg Aka, Shawna Coyle.

I started my music career as a hobby when I was 16 years old. I had no idea that I would come to be one of the finest female artists/emcees in the rap game.

I was given my name by Rapper, Brotha Lynch Hung, who was the core inspiration and teacher for me at that age. He was my long time boyfriend/kids’ father/Husband.

We eventually split up and then divorced in 2007 and 2009 and I was left to figure out how to keep my head above water in the music industry from there.

Stay tuned for more from Zigg Zagg…………………………

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